


In Twenty Years

by rainpuddles



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-04
Updated: 2010-03-04
Packaged: 2017-10-07 17:15:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/67299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainpuddles/pseuds/rainpuddles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gojyo thinks too much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Twenty Years

**Author's Note:**

> Set after the bridge scene in Reload 6!

They barely talk on the way back to the inn. There's idle chatter about the weather and the local food, but nothing more. And normally it's comfortable like this. Gojyo is used to not having to say things with Hakkai, but somehow the exchange they shared at the bridge is making things just a liiittle awkward between them.

Or maybe it's just him, because you can never really be sure of anything when it comes to Hakkai.

Despite having lived together for a few years now, Gojyo still has trouble trying to guess just what sort of things cross Hakkai's mind half of the time. His tone of voice is usually what helps Gojyo figure out if he's teasing him, if he's being serious, or if he's pissed at him; but when he's quiet and staring at nowhere in particular... _damn._

And if that wasn't enough, he keeps replaying their conversation in his mind, over and over again. It was stupid of him to ask in the first place, but it's not like he doesn't do stupid things all the time. He should have known, really, what Hakkai's answer would be, but he needed to hear it for himself.

It hurt.

At first it was a little silly and a lot creepy in that way only Hakkai can be. He was busy picturing Hakkai, the happily whipped husband with an indestructible wife and twelve cute daughters to mack on, when he noticed how much this whole topic was affecting his friend.

That had been the problem, because Gojyo knows he sucks at comforting people and so he doesn't even try anymore. It's stupid; it's not like _anyone_ could have known what to say in this situation, but it still made him feel a little helpless. And since Hakkai was already feeling miserable enough for both of them, he could only play along and be secretly happy to know that Hakkai would still want him around in twenty years.

Months ago when they fought that kid who called himself God, Gojyo had the chance to see her again. To fight his ghosts and understand that it was about damned time he moved on. He thought Hakkai'd had the same opportunity when they met Chin Yisou, but now he wasn't sure that had worked out so well.

And it's not that Gojyo doesn't think about his mother anymore. Hell, every time he sees a woman crying, he sees her face, and whenever there's a high pitched scream, her voice is the first thing that echoes in his mind, but it's not as painful anymore. And that's enough for him to know, to _understand_ that bringing her back from the dead would have been nothing but a selfish wish, some way to seek atonement. Because she would still be lonely without dad, she'd still cook for someone who wasn't going to come back home, and she'd still see 'that woman's face' whenever she looked at Gojyo.

But Hakkai's sister... that was a completely different story. They were happy living a peaceful life together. The only release her death brought was her own, and Gojyo has to wonder if that wasn't what hurt Hakkai— _Gonou_ the most. The fact that she thought she wouldn't be able to make him happy ever again because that monster's baby was inside her.

Gojyo can't help but think that Hakkai wasn't really telling the truth back at the bridge. That he started talking about that ideal scenario just to try and convince himself that Kanan will never come back.

_"... I would have wanted nothing more than to bring her back. There wouldn't have been room for a moral debate."_

"What about me?" He suddenly wants to ask. But he doesn't because the answer honestly terrifies him. Gojyo doesn't even know what is it he'd like to hear, and— ...he shouldn't be putting himself on the same level as Kanan, anyway. It's not like he could bear Hakkai's children or anything like that.

"Gojyo?"

"—whu?" Gojyo blinks, his train of thought suddenly interrupted.

"You were laughing just now."

Gojyo snorts and covers his eyes with his hand, ashamed. "Oh. Sorry."

"Are you not going to share the joke" Hakkai tilts his head, his tone ever patient.

"Ehhh." Gojyo scratches the back of his neck, looking away. Like hell he's gonna tell him about his brief, mental pregnancy. "I already forgot."

And Hakkai knows he's lying. Gojyo knows Hakkai knows because he just smiles and nods. "Ahh, I see."

But he doesn't ask again, and so this is Gojyo's perfect opportunity to change the—

"Well, what do _you_ think?"

"Huh?"

Hakkai speaks calmly. "Bringing back the dead. You had to listen all those embarrassing things, and yet you didn't tell me your opinion."

Gojyo feels his heart skip a beat and his cigarette almost drops from between his lips. After a couple of seconds, he manages to let out a soft chuckle.

"I... dunno."

Hakkai doesn't bother masking his disbelief this time.

"No, no, I mean it! It's like—" He shrugs, pausing to think of the right words. "I guess I asked you 'cause I'm not sure myself."

"You're not sure?" Hakkai stops, leaning against a brick wall in order not to obstruct the road for anyone. _Shit_, Gojyo thinks.

"What is this, an interrogatory?"

"Does it feel like one to you?"

"Yeah. I mean, no! But—"

"I'm merely curious, Gojyo," Hakkai interrupts, reassuring. "But if you're truly not sure about the answer, then we can leave it at that."

"No, no, listen."

And then he goes quiet again as he reaches inside his pocket for his Hi-Lites. Hakkai waits.

"... It depends, I think."

"Mm?"

His gaze travels from the flame of his lighter to the yellow pupils of one of the children playing in the street and he leaves it there. "You know me," smoke leaks out of his mouth when he speaks, "I can't let someone with a death wish kick the bucket just like that."

"Ah, yes. I know that very well." Hakkai chuckles, now looking at the child as well.

"But when it comes to someone who's already dead... I think that's playin' dirty."

"Isn't that a little hypocritical of you to say?" Hakkai replies, now in his usual teasing tone.

Gojyo twitches, his head instantly turning to face Hakkai again. "Now, listen you—"

"I think I understand what you're trying to say, though."

"... Yeah?"

Hakkai nods, his features becoming softer under the moonlight. A mother is calling the children inside for dinner, now. "That's why I said I wanted a woman who won't die."

That again. "Hakkai."

"Someone strong who will be able to look after herself," he continues. "But... if for some reason the situation were to become complicated—"

"Hellooo?" Gojyo waves. "What situation?"

"—I will absolutely not let them die."

Gojyo can't do anything else but stare at him.

"Did I say something bad?"

And Gojyo realizes then, _that_'s the answer that he wants. It's so clear and simple it makes him crack up hard.

"Gojyo? That wasn't supposed to be a joke." Hakkai frowns. "I know you've never been the most well-mannered person, but..."

"Sorry, sorry," the redhead manages, in-between all the laughter. "I'm not laughing at you, really!"

Hakkai's arms are now folded over his chest and he's still dedicating him a look of disapproval. "Then perhaps you should do something to convince me otherwise."

Gojyo looks at him for a very long moment, and then, without notice, he starts walking again. "I won't let them die, either."

"Pardon?"

The streets are noticeably quieter now and Hakkai isn't following behind just yet. Gojyo can take a hint, at this point; it's either being honest or sleeping on the floor tonight, and he's not really in the mood to let a tiny dragon take over _his_ bed.

He stops and looks at Hakkai from the corner of his eye. "I said I won't let 'em die. Not until they've lived long enough to see me marrying one of their hot daughters, anyway." A brief shrug, and then he resumes walking.

Hakkai catches up a moment later, his voice stern. "And just what makes you think I'll let you marry one of my daughters that easily?"

"Hey, _come on_. We're friends, you know me well!"

"That's precisely why." And now Hakkai's the one laughing, despite Gojyo's glaring and complaints.

He might still have no idea what's going on inside Hakkai's head, but that's just fine. In twenty years, he'll have that skill mastered, for sure.


End file.
